By John Lord
Published in March 2014
We all want to belong, to feel accepted and included. This universal human experience applies across all cultures and relates to our connections with family, friends, neighbourhoods, and workplaces. We know there are negative consequences when people do not belong, when they are excluded or isolated from community life.
The New Story Group of Waterloo Region is a grass roots group that is committed to belonging within the context of community and social inclusion. In the fall of 2013, the New Story Group sponsored two days of conversations about Building a Community of Belonging. This important community work is being supported by the K-W Community Foundation in collaboration with a number of community partners.
What is belonging and what are some of the ways it can be nurtured?
Here is a definition that the New Story Group has been exploring: Belonging is about full inclusion, where you are seen, known, welcomed, accepted, included, respected, connected, and valued. What is interesting about this definition is that it has several attributes that all impact each other. Think about how essential it is for each of us to be seen and known. Too many people are invisible and lonely. Think also about the power of acceptance and inclusion. When we feel included, our confidence grows and a sense of belonging becomes possible. All the words in this definition can encourage us to think more deeply about belonging.
What was exciting about the Belonging Conversations in our community was that participants were taking the time to think seriously about the idea of creating a community of belonging. As part of the conversation, participants were asked to imagine neighbourhoods where everyone feels a sense of belonging, where inclusion trumps fear; to imagine workplaces where people belong, and where respect and collaboration trump power and politics; and to imagine schools where belonging trumps bullying and streaming.
The New Story Group’s experience and research on belonging suggests that belonging is the heart of community and social inclusion. As we come to understand the elements of belonging, we gain insights into how we can build a more inclusive community.
Elements of Belonging
Presence: You cannot be included if you are not present. The Supreme Court of Canada and several provincial human rights commissions have mandated the power of presence. All children must now attend school, a battle that was fought for two generations by both First Nations and disability leaders. Although the legal precedents for “being present” are strong, there are still too many examples of exclusion, either because diversity is not valued or accommodations are not being made to enhance presence. As Woody Allen has said, “Ninety per cent of success is showing up.” Presence becomes an important pillar in any conversation about belonging.
The Belonging Conversations reflected on how communities are changing and how this reflects the idea of presence. For the older generation, presence is often about ‘place,’ being rooted in a neighbourhood or community. We can think of this as a geographical definition of community and presence. For the younger generation, presence is often about ‘being connected’ in some way with others who share a common interest or experience. We can think of this as a network approach to community, which is influenced to a huge degree by technology. Some argue that technology, such as the internet, tends to lower the barriers to engagement and presence.
Participation: While presence makes participation possible, it is in participation where we deepen our sense of belonging. Much research now points to the power of participation. Robert Putman’s work shows clearly that participation in community associations of common interest enhances well-being and contentment. The recent UN Report on Happiness shows that participation is essential to health and happiness. An important part of the Belonging Conversation was the idea of nurturing and supporting participation. For many organizations, this means building a more diverse workforce and board members, so that all citizens can see themselves reflected in the make-up of the organization.
Participants talked about how participation often builds a sense of group identity or cohesion. It is true that people more likely continue their participation, and feel like they belong, if they experience a strong sense of identity with the group. On the other hand, groups can also become ‘exclusive’ if that sense of identity is too strong and shuts out newcomers. This is a tricky community process or paradox for nurturing inclusion and belonging.
Relationships: People have a strong need for affiliation and relatedness, and relationships are often seen as the core of belonging. It is in relationship that people feel a sense of social connection. Research shows clearly that people with strong social networks are more likely to be healthy and feel a sense of belonging. Relationships built on common interest (presence and participation) often hold the glue that enables people to be motivated to get involved and stay involved. Participants in the Belonging Conversation also noted that it is the little things we do that make a difference in relationships that enhance belonging – being patient, having compassion, and having the capacity to forgive.
Relationships take time to nurture and develop. Many participants noted that they want to feel a stronger sense of community and belonging, but the challenge is to find the time and the space to make it happen. Some of the conversations about ‘pathways to belonging’ give us hints into possibilities for moving ahead.
Pathways to Belonging
Recognizing gifts: In many ways, we can think of genuine belonging as an exchange of gifts – I recognize and appreciate what strengths and gifts you bring to community and you recognize and appreciate what strengths and gifts I bring. You can never build an inclusive community on people’s deficits.
Offering invitation: When I am invited to visit a neighbour or to contribute to a community committee I feel valued. In our culture, that there is often hesitation to invite others to participate because we think it interferes with people’s personal autonomy. The experience of the New Story Group is that people often feel honoured to be asked, especially if they are being invited to participate in meaningful ways.
Providing hospitality: The word ‘hospitality’ means to host and to welcome strangers. When we experience hospitality, we feel included and it eases any discomfort we may have had. Unfortunately, the idea of hospitality has often been replaced by formal systems that seldom have hospitality at their core. Hospitality gives community true meaning, as people share of themselves and what they have to offer.
Being intentional about facilitating belonging: Belonging and inclusion will not happen unless we are intentional about our desire to create change. This is why Belonging Conversations are so valuable – they sharpen our minds, increase awareness, and help us be much more intentional about using a Belonging Lens to create more inclusive neighbourhoods and workplaces. Belonging can also be a guide for organizations that want to insure that their policies reflect inclusion and diversity principles.
Developing bridging to enhance belonging: Communities can benefit from connecting and bridging approaches that enable people to experience genuine participation. Especially for people who are vulnerable or lonely, a facilitator can be immensely helpful in connecting that person with welcoming people and places. Facile and Step-Home, relatively new initiatives in Waterloo Region, are good examples of projects developed to facilitate connecting.
How do we Deepen our Understanding of Belonging and its Possibilities?
The New Story Group believes that conversation, stories, and mindful action are required to move the Belonging agenda ahead. Conversations are enabling us to learn from each other and to build a deeper understanding of what belonging means and why it is vital for our health and well-being. Many people and organizations are committed to a community of belonging and we can build on the good work that has already been started. Sharing stories enables us to explore possibilities – our personal stories can inspire others and they in turn can become our collective stories. So many positive stories already exist in our community and we want to build on those as we move forward. Participants in the Belonging Conversations identified actions they want to take to move belonging ahead in our community. Some actions are personal, others are grounded in neighbourhoods, others speak to the way we design our cities and communities, and still others are actions to change the way local organizations work with people.
Participants in the Belonging Conversations agreed that nurturing belonging begins with each of us. People embraced this idea of ‘inside-out’ learning. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This is the hope of the New Story Group, that we all contribute to building a community of belonging, in our own personal and family lives, as well as in our neighbourhoods, and in the organizations in which we work.
John Lord is currently Chair of the New Story Group of Waterloo Region. As a community researcher and author, he has written several books on social inclusion, including Pathways to Inclusion: Building a New Story with People and Communities. John is the founder of the Centre for Community Based Research in Kitchener.
